Deep Thoughts Just a few imponderables, comments and observations Words to live by - Don't sweat the petty things, and Don't pet the sweaty things. DWI Hopscotch - One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Service - I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the self-help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. Lithp? - Whose cruel idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"? No comment - If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him....Is he still wrong? Check the Websters - Is there another word for synonym? Occupations - Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"? It's just life - Don't you think that if life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. Deep Thought Dept. - Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all? Conundrum - What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? Groaner - If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages? Travel Ponder - Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone may steal something or maybe even clean them? Nature - Is a turtle with no shell homeless or just naked? Diets - The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. Cracked up - Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? Sanitary-um - Do they use sterilized the needles used for lethal injections? Plane stupid - What was the purpose of kamikaze pilots wearing helmets? Better - Best - What was the best thing before sliced bread? Yah! - Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny? Hmmmmmm! - Why isn't the word phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Middleman - Have you ever noticed...Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? Hold your breath - Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Ponder this! - Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? Light up - Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? I'll drink to that - Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Super glue? - If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? Problem? ... Solution! - A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. ... I sent them to her dad. Albert, where are you? - If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? Who's driving? - What is the purpose of putting Braille dots on the keypad at the drive-up ATM? Big gulp - If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? Snowed in - How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? Hey Supe! - Why is that when the bad guys shoot at Superman he sticks out his chest and lets the bullets bounce off, but when they throw a gun Superman ducks? Words - Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? Geronimo! - Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?