In and Out of Sanity in the Work Place How to maintain a healthy level of sanity (or insanity, whichever you prefer) in the work place while keeping others guessing. Give the appearance of importance - Page yourself over the intercom (Don't disguise your voice). Follow the Dress Code - Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.) Keep people informed - Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.' Protect the assets of the company - Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Maintain a strong identity - Insist that your company e-mail address be xena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com or Elvis_the_King@companyname.com Be helpful with the staff - Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. Maintain the image of efficiency - Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'. Provide extras on no budget - Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the lunchroom. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back, rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than that." Keep co-workers on their toes - Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. Always get input from others - Reply to everything someone says with, "That's really what you think?" Maintain a secure position - Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy." Express enjoyment in your job - As often as possible, skip rather than walk. Communicate your thoughts - When going out to get lunch at the fast-food drive-through, specify that your order is 'to go'. Inform early when you can't attend an event - Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.